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I just went to lunch with a couple of friends, one of whom is putting the finishing touches on her upcoming spring wedding, the other who is both attending and standing up in more weddings than is normal in life, and we started to have a pretty worked up conversation about all the stress that other people bring to the planning of a wedding. Of course there are exceptions to this, especially if money is involved. But for the most part, I really do think that brides shouldn’t be making too many concessions for the people around them. And I’m a really giving and accommodating person. I just happen to believe that a bride’s wedding day is just that. Her day. And she should be able to have the day that she has been envisioning. Not the day you have been envisioning.

It’s so sad to me when all the pre-engagement enthusiasm and excitement just disappears and is replaced with the constant stress and need for a bride to appease everyone but herself and her groom.

This is not typical stress brought on by her own indecision with bridesmaid dress colors, or table linens, or what song she will walk down the aisle to.

No, this stress is brought on by the “we thought this day was all about us” people.

Seriously?

You and your overbearing opinions…

Back. off.

I’m not even kidding.

You’re allowed to have an opinion if your bride wants to walk down the dress in a neon pink dress with a yellow sash carrying a bouquet of dead roses.

Actually no. You don’t even get an opinion then. You know why?

IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU.

Your role in this day is to be supportive, and helpful, and that’s it.

If she wants to know what you think… she’ll ask. And if she doesn’t, and is clearly happy in that floor length lace dress instead of a full on ball gown that you had your heart set on… keep it to yourself.

This is not your wedding. You had yours, or you’ll get yours, and you can and will and should do everything YOU want to do.

But this is not that day.

This is her day.

And what she really, really doesn’t need is you, guest of the groom’s brother calling, after receiving your invitation, to ask if it’s ok if you bring your new boyfriend.

You know the one you’ve been dating for three weeks?

Yeah…

No.

Not ok.

At all.

You either get a date or you don’t. And while I typically believe that after a certain age, most of the invites should land in the latter column, regardless, it’s expensive to have a wedding, and you can’t always roll the way you want to.

If you don’t get a plus one… you do not. DO NOT. go asking for one.

Besides if the person you were dating was special enough in your world, and you’re in turn special enough in the world of the person whose wedding you are attending… odds are they’d already be invited.

There is a reason you were asked to be in this wedding, or attend this wedding. It’s because the bride and groom think you are important enough to stand up with them, or be there to witness the most important day of their lives.

It’s not about you.

It’s about them. And it’s an honor, not a chore.

So quit your whining.

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May 2017
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